bread upon the waters

I can’t say how many times I’ve tried to write this and haven’t been able to. I’ve spent weeks trying figure out what to say, how to interpret Ecclesiastes 11. I’ve come up with countless little intros, illustrations about base jumping, about green valleys with deep, hidden rocks, to prove my point. When I was at school one day, I even saw that someone had thrown a slice of bread into the stream that runs through the campus—and I tried to write about that. It was white bread, probably not all that healthy. That soggy slice is actually a little more relevant in context, but still—that’s how desperate I was to try to make this post something more, something interesting. Most writers are tempted to desperately try to make what they do mean something; they want it to matter, to have a place. Because if their writing means, they mean, and there is nothing more terrifying than the prospect of not.

I considered supplementing this post with songs, with illustrations of my print-out of Ecc. 11 all marked up and messy—maybe that would prove that I had spent my time in the passage. If I’m being honest, it took my so long to figure out chapter 11 because I was neglecting spending time in it.

I’ve been stressed out lately. The culmination of the semester is coming up. I’ve got tests to study for, papers to write, sources to cite, research to complete, lessons to teach—the list goes on.

I’ve also got to finish my grad school applications.

I’m hoping that this post will not be too terribly long—I don’t think it needs to be. Instead, I think I’ve been trying to make my words many, to multiply them and in their multitude find some kind of comfort for how well, for how completely and utterly I’d explained this mystery to myself (Ecclesiastes 5:2, ESV). This would be profanity. I need to let my words be few and be right.

But there is a mystery I cannot explain, a place I cannot go, a place far off and exceedingly deep, where I cannot dwell. And there is such a futility to living in the barren places of worry, of pride, of vanity and doubt and selfishness. There is no material blessing, no gift, no word or sentence with which I explain to myself the future. I was not meant to live there.

Ecclesiastes 11 is the second to last chapter in the book. At this point, I would assume things are beginning to wrap up, Solomon is just about finished with his proverbs. What wisdom would he impart to me now, young, foolish, inexperienced?

I wanted to spend time talking about 11:7, 11:10—but I know that’s not what I need to know in the chapter. Instead, this speaks to me:

Cast your bread upon the waters,
for you will find it after many days.

(Ecclesiastes 11:1 ESV)

The problem is that grad school feels like such a risk. I have no guarantee of acceptance. Sure, I’ve worked hard, done what I can—but what is good enough? If I am accepted, fabulous, things went according to plan. If I am not, it would feel like a failure, like I wasn’t good enough. And, if I’m being honest, I have no backup plan other than to do my best for a year and try again.

In this moment, in this time in my life, is my place of uncertainty. This is my place of casting, where I hold my bread in my hands and toss it upon the waters, into the storm, the rushing, the waves, the foam as it crests, breaking with a terrifying violence upon the rocks.

This is my place of many days, even though I would rather they be few.

But this can also be my place where He who was far off draws near and close. That place should be my every place. My every day. And it is so easy to forget.

How to Lose Control 101

In these last last couple weeks, I’ve had a crash course in How to Lose Control 101. So far, there has only been one lesson, one trick, one easy step! to feeling helplessly lost and inadequate, and I have been so totally immensely successful:

Try to stay in control.

Try to keep everything together. Try as hard as you can. The opposite is bound to happen. I’ve learned that if I would like things to break, then I must first invest quite heavily in glue. Because it’s when I’m trying to prevent a million, million eventualities that there is never a time when those eventualities are more likely to occur. Murphy’s Law, amiright? Or was it that I was never in control all along?

Hmm…

Anyway. I’ll be getting back to the details of my crash course a bit later.

For right now, I’m getting towards the end of Ecclesiastes. These explorations have been enormously helpful to me. I feel like God has really taught me things in unorthodox ways, which, really, when I think about it for a second, is actually pretty typical of God. He teaches us the lessons we most need to learn precisely when we 1) are not expecting to learn them and 2) when we absolutely would rather learn anything—really, anything!—else. At all!

This week was Ecclesiastes 10, which (as per usual) I had no idea how to interpret. No idea at all. There’s no chapter heading, either (Ecc. 9:11 is headed by “Wisdom Better Than Folly”). I read chapter 10 a number of times, waiting around for what it was supposed to mean, how it was supposed to become relevant to my experiences.

I didn’t get it until last night. But, before I actually get into the verses, some contextualization is required, and this is where I go back to How to Lose Control 101.

A few things about me as a person:

  • perfectionist
  • aspiring academic — 3.98 GPA with 4.00 major course GPA
  • gym enthusiast

At the beginning of the week, I was really convicted of 3 things. I’ve had 3 sticky notes on my computer screen all week, and they have been incredibly annoying reminders as I’ve been trying to do work with them in the way. They read:

  • Where is your identity?
  • Why are you afraid to be sincere + speak the truth?
  • Why do you like to worry?

Good questions for me. At the beginning of the week, I pretty much asked to be challenged. If I was being honest with myself, I would have had to admit that the answers to these questions I knew already—but abstractly. I had not yet put them concretely into my life. To be honest, I didn’t really want to either. What I didn’t expect, though, was that God was going to put me to the test, to actually make me take those questions seriously. It’s so conveniently easy to forget that God is a God who holds us accountable, and I had asked some very dangerous questions indeed.

The things that happened to me this semester/week:

  • I got a bad grade on a lab. (Which to me was inexplicable: “I never do bad on labs! I never do bad on anything!!”)
  • I had an assortment of very long essays thrust upon me. (Granted, I’m a writing major, but still. It’s not easy for me to do research for and crank out 20+ pages of quality stuff in a couple weeks, not to mention work for other classes.)
  • I totally missed submitting a homework assignment. (Just totally missed it on the syllabus. Completely. 0 points. No late submissions. Done.)

Maybe this doesn’t sound that bad to you. But, to me, this was completely devastating. And perhaps that gives you an idea of just how much of a perfectionist, just how much of a control freak and worrier, I can be. And I was beyond indignant; I was angry. How could I have messed up these stupid things? How could I have found myself seemingly without enough time?

Now to Ecclesiastes 10. There are a few verses here that suddenly became relevant to me last night:

Dead flies make the perfumer’s ointment give off a stench;
so a little folly outweighs wisdom and honor. (Ecclesiastes 10:1 ESV)

If the iron is blunt, and one does not sharpen the edge,
he must use more strength,
but wisdom helps one to succeed.
If the serpent bites before it is charmed,
there is no advantage to the charmer. (Ecclesiastes 10:10-11 ESV)

The toil of a fool wearies him,
for he does not know the way to the city. (Ecclesiastes 10:15 ESV)

Even in your thoughts, do not curse the king,
nor in your bedroom curse the rich,
for a bird of the air will carry your voice,
or some winged creature tell the matter. (Ecclesiastes 10:20 ESV)

I know this is getting a little convoluted, but bear with me. One last verse, not from Ecclesiastes, that I think will bring this all into context:

Exodus 20:3: “You shall have no other gods before Me.”

“Oops” is the understatement of the year for me. Yeah… Getting back to those details about me—for a long, long time these have been my gods:

  • perfectionism
  • academia (my GPA)
  • my body (because I can control this)

The answers to those 3 questions (if I’m being honest with myself):

  • Where is your identity? The identity of any person can be wrapped up in what they worship. For me, those things are, a lot of the time, idols.
  • Why are you afraid to be sincere + speak the truth? Because to be sincere means to reveal myself and, thus, my issues with control and worry. To speak the truth means to be a hypocrite (which I am rightly afraid to do) because I myself entertain the worries and fears that I encourage others to dismiss.
  • Why do you like to worry? This is the kicker. It’s because I’m afraid that that’s all I am—my accomplishments, my perfectionism. I’m afraid that if I lose my worry, I also lose all of that—I lose my gods, and then I am left in a foreign land where I am a stranger before the King of that place.

Now to Ecclesiastes:

Dead flies make the perfumer’s ointment give off a stench;
so a little folly outweighs wisdom and honor. (Ecclesiastes 10:1 ESV)

If the iron is blunt, and one does not sharpen the edge,
he must use more strength,
but wisdom helps one to succeed.
If the serpent bites before it is charmed,
there is no advantage to the charmer. (Ecclesiastes 10:10-11 ESV)

All that I have done through perfectionism, through worry, all of it is polluted, all of it is truly madness! If I do not act with the right motives, with wisdom instead of folly, then all of it is dead flies in the ointment of the perfumer. It is all worthless.

Similarly, what good is it if I tame the serpent only at the cost of being bitten? What use is it if I accomplish all these things if, in the process, I destroy my soul by worshipping other gods? Why should I hack away at a task with a blunt edge, with worry, when I could simply sharpen it with wisdom before moving on?

The toil of a fool wearies him,
for he does not know the way to the city. (Ecclesiastes 10:15 ESV)

Where do I think I am going to find myself at the end of this road? Where do I think control and perfectionism and worry will take me? Is it to the city? Or do they take me to the barren places? To the waterless places where my soul will only thirst all the more without relief? For if there is one thing that I am, it is weary.

Even in your thoughts, do not curse the king,
nor in your bedroom curse the rich,
for a bird of the air will carry your voice,
or some winged creature tell the matter. (Ecclesiastes 10:20 ESV)

It’s so easy to complain. It’s so easy to curse my King when I go through trials, through tests. How easy it is to miss the point intentionally, to listen to the little voices that whisper “coincidence” when problems arise.

The defining quality of a crash course is, well, the “crash” part of it, and I’ve been investing a heckuva lot of money in glue stock.

One of those days

Do you ever have those days when you wake up just not feeling happy to be alive? I definitely woke up this morning feeling that way—no particular reason, maybe just a bunch of little things. Like:

  • How Campus Safety never refunded some of my money that they were supposed to, and I’m going to have to go get it sorted out.
  • How I know this semester is going to get super horribly busy.
  • How I want to be able to spend time with my sister for her birthday this week, but she’s busy, and I’m busy, and the celebration will probably get pushed back to the weekend.
  • How I’ll probably have to give up doing some things I want to do because my budget is going to be tight this semester.
  • How we ran out of filters for our coffee maker, and I forgot to get more last night.
  • How my knee is still hurting a bit from when I twisted it playing ultimate frisbee, and I haven’t been able to run for a while.
  • How I’m having a hard time figuring out Ecclesiastes 9.

Little stuff…but these are the things that have occupied my mind this morning. These are the real joy-stealers—I know this well. If I’m being honest, sometimes I’m just happy to stay here in dissatisfaction. Sometimes I want to feel sorry for myself. Sometimes I want to write down a list of all the things that I’m unhappy with in my life and just wallow silently in my own perceived misery.

The ironic thing is—my life isn’t even bad. There are people who are having worse days—worse lives!—than I am. Not that I should choose my own level of happiness by making comparisons to other people.

Thus was the attitude with which I came to Ecclesiastes 9… To be honest, I was even more frustrated with what I found there:

It is the same for all, since the same event happens to the righteous and the wicked, to the good and the evil, to the clean and the unclean, to him who sacrifices and him who does not sacrifice. As the good one is, so is the sinner, and he who swears is as he who shuns an oath.

(Ecclesiastes 9:2 ESV)

Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might, for there is no work or thought or knowledge or wisdom in Sheol, to which you are going.

(Ecclesiastes 9:10 ESV)

Again I saw that under the sun the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, nor bread to the wise, nor riches to the intelligent, nor favor to those with knowledge, but time and chance happen to them all.

(Ecclesiastes 9:11 ESV)

Just—wow! How completely discouraging! Am I to understand that, even if I live a righteous life (which, granted, I definitely don’t always), I’m pretty much going to have a poor time of it, anyway? I’m still going to be subject to “time and chance” and temptation, and on top of it I’m going to die and be forgotten just like everyone else? Wow.

To be honest, this idea was nothing new to me. I’ve always known that life is just plain going to stink sometimes, but I also feel like it’s one of those things that I only “know.” Maybe I haven’t really taken it quite to heart.

But if life is going to be miserable, then what?

Go, eat your bread with joy, and drink your wine with a merry heart, for God has already approved what you do.

Let your garments be always white. Let not oil be lacking on your head.

(Ecclesiastes 9:7-8 ESV)

I feel like this could be one of the many possible catchphrases of Christianity: Be joyful always.

Which is so unbelievability hard. It’s easy to have a great day when everything is going your way. It’s easy to have a great day when you feel like you’re in control, like you’ve got everything handled. It’s easy to have a great day when you wake up feeling refreshed because you got a lot of sleep over Labor Day weekend. It’s easy to have a great day when you don’t have to try to make coffee with a paper towel for a filter. It’s easy to have a great day when you feel like you’ve been doing well with your workouts and eating right.

It’s not easy to have a great day, though. Stuff happens:

For man does not know his time. Like fish that are taken in an evil net, and like birds that are caught in a snare, so the children of man are snared at an evil time, when it suddenly falls upon them.

(Ecclesiastes 9:12 ESV)

If I’m being honest, there is only one thing that should make my days great: God and His love for me. I think this needs to be my resolution, my song, this week: To have a great day, even when I’m not having one.

Because—as corny as it sounds!—every day is a great day with Jesus.

I didn’t want to write this.

insecure woman cartoon

I’m going to be straight with you guys: I didn’t want to write this—and maybe not for the reasons you’re imagining. My latest series of posts have dealt in some way with the book of Ecclesiastes, and this one will be no different, but—

Let me digress for a minute…

This past week, I had more than one person express either directly to me or in my presence that they felt as though they didn’t “belong.” Belong in the sense that they felt like they didn’t fit in socially, perhaps mentally, in most of their regular activities. That sense of “unbelonging” is one that I am most familiarly acquainted with.

In the past (read: late middle school/high school), I spent a good deal of my time and energy trying to disappear. It seems like there are a lot of people who had experiences similar to mine, whether they had to deal with bullies in school, trouble at home, both, or even just the regular hardships of making that strange transition from childhood to adulthood. As for me, I found myself in a new place (I had just moved back to Pennsylvania after spending the majority of my childhood in the South) without any friends whatsoever.

On top of that, my family had settled close to a church that we had attended as a family when I’d been a kid (like, five years old). There were a good deal of people there who kinda remembered us, including some of the kids that used to be my early childhood friends, and I felt like I was suddenly expected to fit back in seamlessly. (Spoiler: I didn’t!)

There were also a couple other things contributing to my sense of “unbelonging”—at the time, I was dealing with bullies on the soccer team I was on; also, like most teenage girls, I was struggling quite deeply with insecurities about my own body, and I felt decidedly un-beautiful in a society that bases the worth of women on their physical attractiveness.

All of this to say that, even now, I find myself struck (usually in the middle of conversations) by the feeling that I am out of place, that something about me makes me inherently “outside,” makes me inherently “unbelonging.” I feel awkward, stupid, strange, and insecure on a regular basis.

Reason #1 that I didn’t want to write this post: I hate admitting that I feel like I don’t belong.

I think the precise reason for this is pride.

I quite honestly just want people to like me. I want them to think that I’m smart or funny or nice or beautiful or just downright awesome—and I’ve spent a considerable amount of effort trying to gain this appearance. At the same time, I am terrified of someone finding this out—I am terrified that one of these days someone will straight up call me and my pride and vanity out—and then what will I do?

Well, reason #2 I didn’t want to write this: Now you know how prideful I am.

And now finally on to Ecclesiastes. This week as I went to work, saw friends, even attended church, I was struggling with creeping feelings not only of unbelonging—but also of pride regarding what people thought of me.

I’ve admitted freely to those who have asked that reading Ecclesiastes has really been an eye-opening experience for me—the book was suddenly super relevant to me in all these new ways that I’d never noticed. As a writer, I was falling in love with the beautful language, and of course it felt great to try to dig deeper into God’s word. I felt like He was really speaking into my life in the ways that I needed—until this past week.

I came to Ecclesiastes 8 expecting to find the answer to the problems with unbelonging and pride that I’d experienced this past week. In fact, I’d come to expect (read: I felt entitled) that I would find the answer to my burning questions. Instead, as I read Ecclesiastes 8, I felt as though it was nothing new: It seemed like the same things all over again. Obey those in authority. Fear God. Accept that, on earth, the evil prosper while the good suffer. Work hard and be joyful while you are alive. Etc.

Reason #3 I didn’t want to write this: I did not find the answer I wanted in Ecclesiastes 8.

I did find AN answer, though, even though it was most definitely not the one I wanted. Verses 16-17 (the end of the chapter) read:

When I applied my heart to know wisdom, and to see the business that is done on earth, how neither day nor night do one’s eyes see sleep, then I saw all the work of God, that man cannot find out the work that is done under the sun. However much man may toil in seeking, he will not find it out. Even though a wise man claims to know, he cannot find it out.

(Ecclesiastes 8:16-17 ESV)

Then I realized: Yep, I’m not going to “find it out.” It was one of those moments where I suddenly felt really stupid, and I could kinda imagine God just kind of softly waiting for me to come to the conclusion that he had prepared for me: I cannot come to Him expecting for Him to give me all the answers. Instead, I have to find peace in not knowing and instead in trusting Him. In the same way, neither can I continue to let unbelonging and pride be motivators for my actions.

So, I guess now the next step is to stop mentally cringing as I imagine people reading all my embarrassing struggles and secrets. 🙂

 

 

 

 

Far Off and Exceedingly Deep

87189d3cc511f9365ef2b31db0128826

This week has been an exercise in trust, and I honestly don’t know if I can say that I’ve done all that well.

Most people who know me would probably agree if I asserted that my thought life was pretty active. Sometimes that’s a good thing. I tend to think through things very thoroughly and methodically.

Sometimes it’s a bad thing. It’s easy for me to imagine every single possible unfortunate eventuality of every situation. It’s easy for me to worry about the worst case scenario—and dwell on it endlessly. The problem with this is that I’m simply not trusting God.

I guess my fear, then, is that God won’t take care of me, that he will let something bad happen. Of course, the most frightening thing is that with this comes the realization that, yes, God does allow bad things to happen. Really bad things. Death, illness, poverty, simple misfortune.

However, as a Christian, I am also promised eternal safety. I will never be alone, never forsaken, and I think the general human experience leads us to believe the opposite: When there occur death, illness, poverty, simple misfortune, the only logical answer is that we have been forsaken, that we have been forgotten. That’s human thinking. But God is not necessarily that kind of protector. (At this point, I feel it necessary to add that, yes, God does also save us from all of these things at certain times, but there is an allowance for suffering still.)

Reading Ecclesiastes 7 this morning and contemplating all of this, there were a few verses that caught my attention:

Consider the work of God:
who can make straight what he has made crooked?

(Ecclesiastes 7:13 ESV)

All this I have tested by wisdom. I said, “I will be wise,” but it was far from me. That which has been is far off, and deep, very deep; who can find it out?

(Ecclesiastes 7:23-24 ESV)

I had no idea what these meant. The rest of the passage seems straightforward: a comparison between wisdom and folly. But these were strange, out of place. I ended up using a commentary to look them up, and I think that there was a much needed answer in what I found:

Verse 13 asserts that there are things that God has made crooked, things that we as humans cannot make straight. What does that mean, though? The verse isn’t quite saying the usual “humans can’t interfere with God’s sovereign plan”; instead, it seems to be saying that humans cannot make right what God has made, for lack of a better word, wrong. That is, if God chooses to put suffering or hardship in our lives, we can no more change it than we could change any of his other plans—so why bother trying? Why bother worrying? Why not just be just as content in adversity as in prosperity? (Good lesson for me to learn #1)

In verses 23, Solomon laments the incompleteness of his wisdom—he just can’t always make the wisest decision, it seems. He can’t always be right. Verse 24 was what confused me. What is “that which has been far off and deep”? Other versions translate the verse as: “far off and most profound” (NIV), “remote and exceedingly mysterious” (NASB), or “far off and exceeding deep” (KJV).

Again, the commentary came in handy. Perhaps this is a reference to God, to his plans, to what mysteries he has put into the earth. In other words, how can we hope to fully understand God? Much of human experience tells us that what can’t be understood (or even be hoped to be understood) is useless to try to understand at all or, worse, a waste of time.

As I was looking at these two verses together, I suddenly realized: Bad things will happen to me (my life may be made crooked), I may not understand them (their mystery will be far off), and I will be powerless to do anything in their midst (I cannot make them straight). It’s kind of a terrifying thought at first, but it is undeniably the Christian experience.

How am I living in light of that realization? Am I living in fear (I most certainly am, at times)? How should I live instead?

This song has really been heavy on my heart lately, and I think it echoes some of the thoughts I’ve had today:

My Own Futility

If a man fathers a hundred children and lives many years, so that the days of his years are many, but his soul is not satisfied with life’s good things, and he also has no burial, I say that a stillborn child is better off than he.

(Ecclesiastes 6:3 ESV)

I’m going to be honest: I don’t know what to write about Ecclesiastes 6. It’s a fairly short chapter, only 12 verses long, marking halfway through the book. What I can say for sure, though, is that this week I have been struggling with the knowing of my own futility. The fear of my own futility, even. I ask myself: Is anything I do worth the effort? Won’t everything be forgotten? In comparison, my life will be nothing; I will accomplish nothing. My effect on the world will be miniscule.

I think our fear as humans is this:

Even though he should live a thousand years twice over, yet enjoy no good—do not all go to the one place?

(Ecclesiastes 6:6 ESV)

It is the fear that we will live, and as we live—even though we have the appearance of success—we will inevitably, despite all we try and all we grasp at, return to the same place as everything else: to the grave, to death, and thus also render all we have done, all we have seen and heard and felt, useless. The trouble with all of this, of course, lies in the fact that we are helpless to both recognize and counteract this kind of “vain” action. While we live, we are driven to work, to succeed, to find what might be simply termed as “happiness.” And yet we remain quite unlike any other species on earth in that we simply cannot be happy, no matter what we do.

Here is what we believe: The grave is defeated if we live happy lives. We equate happiness with worth. We apply the same logic to not just life as a whole, but the little things, as well. People tell us to find a career that makes us happy—”You’ll never work a day in your life!” To find a significant other: “Do they make you happy?” To explore passions: “Do what makes you happy.”

Solomon, as well, seems to advocate this perspective as well: If your life is not happy, then it is not worthwhile.

The great mystery of Ecclesiastes, I’m realizing, (especially since this post marks halfway through the book) is that Solomon is wrong. I think this “wrongness” is intentional, kind of prophetic in a way. Solomon speculates about the worth of life, and his thoughts seem to dangle on that dangerous precipice that borders the gap between human understanding, and the truth of God. The strangest thing about Solomon’s truths is that they are, by human understanding, so, so true.

Solomon laments that life is worthless. It pretty much is.
Solomon laments that we can’t be happy. We can’t.
Solomon laments that we will die in futility. We will.

All of these would be true—excepting the intervention of the Divine. Solomon seems prophetic in that he laments these fates that humanity seemingly may not escape; that is, we may not escape them without a Redeemer.

Whatever has come to be has already been named, and it is known what man is, and that he is not able to dispute with one stronger than he.

(Ecclesiastes 6:10 ESV)

Another great thing about Solomon is that he recognizes that there is a constancy—both to humans and to God.

Humans are constant in their mistakes, in their transgressions and imperfections—thus they are in continual states of unhappiness, of un-fulfillment. We might as well already be in the grave, for all the evils we bring about and witness under the sun. Our plight has already been named: We are our own death.

God, however, is constant in his sovereignty, in his presence, in his power. And it is his redemption that has always been the panacea for our disease.

Finally, Solomon has a lot to say about the soul, a concept he seems very concerned with. His mistake seems to lie in that he thinks the soul is tied to human life, to mortality, when it is actually a much more permanent fixture.

For what happens to the children of man and what happens to the beasts is the same; as one dies, so dies the other. They all have the same breath, and man has no advantage over the beasts, for all is vanity. Who knows whether the spirit of man goes upward and the spirit of the beast goes down into the earth?

(Ecclesiastes 3:19-21 ESV)

There is, however, a more powerful speaker than Solomon on the importance of the soul:

For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?

(Matthew 16:26 ESV)

For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel’s will save it. For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?

(Mark 8:35-36 ESV)

For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it. For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits himself?

(Luke 9:24-25 ESV)

Here is the truth: We were not meant to be happy. At least, not happy in the way the world intends. We think what the world thinks: that happiness will render the grave ineffective. But this is not true. We as humans have already lost. And for all the happiness we try to gain, the more yawning and wide and dark our graves will be even as we pull away from them. As we are, we have no capability of grasping anything else other than the grave.

I tell you this, brothers: flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable. Behold! I tell you a mystery. We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed, in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised imperishable, and we shall be changed. For this perishable body must put on the imperishable, and this mortal body must put on immortality. When the perishable puts on the imperishable, and the mortal puts on immortality, then shall come to pass the saying that is written:

“Death is swallowed up in victory.”
“O death, where is your victory?
O death, where is your sting?”

(1 Corinthians 15:50-55 ESV)

The truth that Solomon points to in his willful ignorance of it is this precisely: There is no condemnation for those of us who are in Christ Jesus. There is safety—but not through our own means. There is a Redeemer whose salvation is such that we need not live in our own graves.

“Death is swallowed up in victory.”
“O death, where is your victory?
O death, where is your sting?”

We sing this song a lot on worship team, and I like how it captures the futility of humanity, and the sudden and wonderful advent of Christ.

The Vanity of…Profanity?

profanity swearing-at-work

Something that is profane is (according to Google): relating or devoted to that which is not sacred or biblical; secular rather than religious. Similarly, to profane something means to treat (something sacred) with irreverence or disrespect.

With these definitions in mind, the meaning of “profanity” becomes all the clearer.

The Bible has a lot to say about how we use out voices and, thus, about how we should see profanity. The following are just a few examples:

Ephesians 4:29:

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Matthew 15:10-11:

And he called the people to him and said to them, “Hear and understand: it is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth; this defiles a person.”

James 1:26:

If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless.

James 3:10-13:

From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water? Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water. Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom.

It seems like what we say is pretty important. And, just like in every other area of life, sin does not mix with righteousness. So, this is my confession:

I curse!

Worse than that, I do it only selectively! In the company of other believers, especially (gasp) in church, I take great measures to keep my speech free of profanity. However, around my family especially, I often will let a few choice words lend me their help in moments of extreme emotion.

To say it nicely…

For instance, some of you may be familiar with the fact that I hit a skunk fairly recently–the words I had for that skunk were a prime example of this paradoxical behavior. And I think the verses listed above do a good job of describing how hypocritical it is to curse and then to speak with attempted righteousness: Salt and fresh water simply cannot flow from the same spring. The salt contaminates the rest, making it undrinkable. Cursing contaminates my speech, making it all worthless, regardless of my appearance of “purity” in any given context.

Some of you may also know that I sing on the worship team at my church, as well. And I ask myself: How can I sing praises with the same lips that let curses roll from them?

This is a sin that I’ve been dealing with for a while, and it’s one that certainly affects those around me. It’s so easy to just let it go. To curse in anger, in surprise, in humor. I’ve been particularly convicted this past week. Then when I read the beginning of Ecclesiastes 5, which seems to deal with a similar concept, I knew I needed to change.

My prayer this time (and what I’d ask all of you to pray for me) is that I deal as harshly with this sin as I need to in order to get it out of my life–and also that I develop the fear of God so explicitly described in Ecclesiastes 5.

Ecclesiastes 5

Fear God

Verse 1 begins with a warning:

Guard your steps when you go to the house of God. To draw near to listen is better than to offer the sacrifice of fools, for they do not know that they are doing evil.

The implication here is that to be in the presence of God is to be in a state of knowing that, well, he is God. Although this verse speaks about the house of God, I can’t help but think that this also is very relevant now, especially since our bodies are God’s temples. How carefully should we be treading every second of every day?

I especially like the comparison of humans to God in verse 2:

Be not rash with your mouth, nor let your heart be hasty to utter a word before God, for God is in heaven and you are on earth. Therefore let your words be few.

If there ever was a striking comparison, it is this one of heaven to earth and of their respective inhabitant(s).

Verses 4-7 address the vanity (even danger) of making promises you can’t keep to God and, at that, the disastrous consequences of breaking a vow. This makes me think of the vow(s) that I have taken as a Christian, to follow in Christ’s footsteps, to love like him, to speak like him. How often do I break them?

The Vanity of Wealth and Honor

Of this section, Matthew Henry’s Commentary says quite eloquently:

Solomon had shown the vanity of pleasure, gaiety, and fine works, of honour, power, and royal dignity; and there is many a covetous worldling that will agree with him, and speak as slightly as he does of these things; but money, he thinks, is a substantial thing, and if he can but have enough of that he is happy. This is the mistake which Solomon attacks, and attempts to rectify, in these verses; he shows that there is as much vanity in great riches, and the lust of the eye about them, as there is in the lusts of the flesh and the pride of life, and a man can make himself no more happy by hoarding an estate than by spending it.

It seems that wealth and honor are just as vain as all the rest. Why? First of all, those who pursue riches in search of happiness are never full of them. There is always more to be had and thus also no satisfaction in it.

Here again in verses 13-16, Solomon finds another evil, an example that seems to illustrate his point that, riches or not, all end in ruin, all come into the world with nothing, and all leave with nothing, no matter how much they accumulated in their lifetimes:

There is a grievous evil that I have seen under the sun: riches were kept by their owner to his hurt, and those riches were lost in a bad venture. And he is father of a son, but he has nothing in his hand. As he came from his mother’s womb he shall go again, naked as he came, and shall take nothing for his toil that he may carry away in his hand. This also is a grievous evil: just as he came, so shall he go, and what gain is there to him who toils for the wind?

What comes in verse 18 is this:

Behold, what I have seen to be good and fitting is to eat and drink and find enjoyment in all the toil with which one toils under the sun the few days of his life that God has given him, for this is his lot.

Solomon seems to, yet again, return to the idea that working is an end in itself. It keeps one busy, regardless of earnings, and fulfills God’s purpose. Even if wealth is obtained, it may again be easily lost, just as honor is easily lost. What may never be lost, however, is experience and memory and enjoyment in working hard–everything else may fade, but these things remain until the grave, and they are of the most permanent parts of ourselves.

I like how Matthew Henry’s Commentary says:

But if we labour only for the world, to fill our hands with that, we cannot take that away with us; we are born with our hands gripping, but we die with them extended, letting go what we held fast. So that, upon the whole matter, he may well ask, What profit has he that has laboured for the wind?

What are we to do, then, to truly be happy? Verses 19-20 continue:

Everyone also to whom God has given wealth and possessions and power to enjoy them, and to accept his lot and rejoice in his toil—-this is the gift of God. For he will not much remember the days of his life because God keeps him occupied with joy in his heart.

This seems to imply that one must learn to find comfort, to find joy, in whatever circumstance he or she is in. If you are blessed materially, let yourself use it wisely. But if your materialistic belongings leave, be equally wise in conducting oneself, even in the midst of hardship. For, regardless of situation and because it is not the earnings that matter—but the work—, all have an opportunity to be truly happy.

As usual, comments welcome! 🙂

To Choose the Least of a Number of Evils

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These past couple weeks, I feel like I’ve been running in circles—circles of worry. There’s no better way to describe it. I always get into patterns of thinking where I start out on positive thoughts but inevitably and depressingly circle back around to everyday worries in my life. This is what makes me a chronic worrier. And the thing about worry itself is that it makes you run in circles, as well. When you’re only focusing on one problem, on one issue—big or small—your actions will reflect that. I’ve noticed that when I worry, I get less done, have less peace, less joy, less energy—it’s an all around bad deal. I start to feel useless and unproductive.

This morning, as I was reading Ecclesiastes 4, the tone of the passage, that life is vain, that it’s not really worth living. In verses 2–3, Solomon laments that those who are dead are better off that way—but those who never lived are better off still.

Today, this caught me by surprise as I looked at the idea in a new light. If it is useless to live, then it is surely even more useless to live and be constantly plagued by worry. (Of course, I don’t think that it’s useless to live, but just for the sake of the argument.) It seems that Solomon might characterize the two (life vs. worried life) as both being evils—but as simple life being the lesser of them.

Making a commitment to not worry is difficult, but that’s what I’m doing this week. This week, I make a commitment to choose the lesser of two evils (but not really :)).

 

Ecclesiastes 4: Evil Under the Sun

This chapter appears to concern itself with the various evils under the sun. Solomon seems to mark and transition among these evils with words like “again” (v.1,7) and “then” (v.4) As far as I can tell, there are four main ideas, four main evils that Solomon addresses:

  • the evil of having to participate in life itself
  • the evil of toil (and laziness)
  • the evil of alone-ness
  • the evil of unwise rulers

At this point, I looked up the original words for “evil” and “oppressions” (v.1). As it turns out, “evil” pretty much means “evil”—no surprises there—being, synonymous with words like distress, injury, misery, and calamity. On the other hand, “oppression” is translated as “extortion.” This seems to have more of an actively manipulative connotation.

It seems that Solomon is making his case for the vanity of the entirety of the world. His first point is that life itself is evil. Pretty all-encompassing. If that weren’t enough, what we thought before was good (that is, honest labor)—that now, too, is also bad in Solomon’s eyes. Furthermore, there are people who are without anyone alongside them, and this in itself—lack of companionship or relationships—is also a calamitous thing. If all of these weren’t enough, the people in power are unwise rulers. It seems there is no justice, no “comfort” (v.1–2), anywhere.

I decided to get a little deeper into these themes.

The evil of having to participate in life itself: Verses 1–3 seem to concentrate on this idea that living pretty much just isn’t worth it—in Solomon’s eyes, at least. The living are better off dead. The dead are better off dead. Those who haven’t been born yet are better off if they never live. This reminds me of Job 3, where Job laments the day of his birth, wishing that he had never lived.

In Ecclesiastes 3:12–13, Solomon concludes that taking pleasure in our work is the best thing that we can do while we’re here on earth. In 4:4:

Then I saw that all toil and all skill in work come from a man’s envy of his neighbor. This also is vanity and a striving after wind.

It seems now that Solomon has moved to a new level of despair, deciding that even work and skill in work spring from evil sources.

The evil of toil (and laziness): Verses 5 and 6 confused me a bit. They sounded kind of like idioms, which is just a fancy word for a phrase whose meaning can’t be determined from the individual meanings of the words.

Verses 5 and 6 read:

The fool folds his hands and eats his own flesh.

Better is a handful of quietness than two hands full of toil and a striving after wind.

I used a commentary to look these up. These sources make attempts at explaining the sayings much better than I can.

Verse 5: . . .Some persons, to escape the envy which diligence and industry bring on men, will not work at all, or do any right work, and think to sleep in a whole skin; this is great folly and madness indeed: and eateth his own flesh;
such a man is starved and famished for want of food, so that his flesh is wasted away; or he is so hungry bitten, that he is ready to eat his own flesh; or he hereby brings to ruin his family, his wife, and children, which are his own flesh. . .

Verse 6: . . .that little had with ease, and without toil and labour, is much better than both the hands full [with] travail and vexation of spirit;
than large possessions gotten with a great deal of trouble, and enjoyed with much vexation and uneasiness; in which he mistakes slothful ease for true quietness; calls honest labour and industry travail and vexation. . .

And from another commentary:

Verses 5-6:

The fool that goes about his work as if his hands were muffled and folded together, that does every thing awkwardly, the sluggard (for he is a fool) that loves his ease and folds his hands together to keep them warm, because they refuse to labour, he eats his own flesh, is a cannibal to himself, brings himself into such a poor condition that he has nothing to eat but his own flesh, into such a desperate condition that he is ready to eat his own flesh for vexation. He has a dog’s life—hunger and ease. Because he sees active men that thrive in the world envied, he runs into the other extreme; and, lest he should be envied for his right works, he does every thing wrong, and does not deserve to be pitied. Note, Idleness is a sin that is its own punishment. The following words (v. 6), Better is a handful with quietness than both the hands full with travail and vexation of spirit, may be taken either, 1. As the sluggard’s argument for the excuse of himself in his idleness. He folds his hands together, and abuses and misapplies a good truth for his justification, as if, because a little with quietness is better than abundance with strife, therefore a little with idleness is better than abundance with honest labour: thus wise in his own conceit is he, Prov. 26:16 . But, 2. I rather take it as Solomon’s advice to keep the mean between that travail which will make a man envied and that slothfulness which will make a man eat his own flesh. Let us by honest industry lay hold on the handful, that we may not want necessaries, but not grasp at both the hands full, which will but create us vexation of spirit. Moderate pains and moderate gains will do best. A man may have but a handful of the world, and yet may enjoy it and himself with a great deal of quietness, with content of mind, peace of conscience, and the love and good-will of his neighbours, while many that have both their hands full, have more than heart could wish, have a great deal of travail and vexation with it. Those that cannot live on a little, it is to be feared, would not live as they should if they had ever so much.

The evil of alone-ness: In verses 7-12 (the longest of the four explanations), Solomon discusses the evil of finding oneself alone in the world, without family or friends. The one thing that Solomon keep returning to in Ecclesiastes is the idea of honest work as being good in its productivity. But here again, we find Solomon almost contradicting his own argument by stating that work itself if useless if the worker has no-one to share his or her gains with. Verses 7–8 say:

Again, I saw vanity under the sun: one person who has no other, either son or brother, yet there is no end to all his toil, and his eyes are never satisfied with riches, so that he never asks, “For whom am I toiling and depriving myself of pleasure?” This also is vanity and an unhappy business.

Then Solomon transitions to the idea that, if one is not alone, one will not have to face the struggles of life alone. He seems to admit in verse 10 that a single person has no chance of facing life in solitude:

For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!

Similarly, verse 12 reads:

And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

Which almost seems to imply: “the more the merrier” when it comes to not being alone.

 

The evil of unwise young rulers: For this last evil, I again turned to Matthew Henry’s commentary:

A king is not happy unless he have wisdom, v. 13, v. 14. He that is truly wise, prudent, and pious, though he be poor in the world, and very young, and upon both accounts despised and little taken notice of, is better, more truly valuable and worthy of respect, is likely to do better for himself and to be a greater blessing to his generation, than a king, than an old king, and therefore venerable both for his gravity and for his dignity, if he be foolish, and knows not how to manage public affairs himself nor will be admonished and advised by others—who knows not to be admonished, that is, will not suffer any counsel or admonition to be given him (no one about him dares contradict him) or will not hearken to the counsel and admonition that are given him.

Solomon sets up a comparison here: “Poor and wise” is better than “old and foolish.” As the commentary notes, wisdom is the one quality that a good ruler needs. Similarly, neither age nor riches necessarily denote wisdom.

 

The very last sentence of the chapter (v.16) reads:

Surely this also is vanity and a striving after wind.

And again we circle back around to Solomon’s main idea.

This chapter ends in a depressing manner, at least to me. But, as always with Scripture, I feel as though this story is yet unfinished. There are a total of 12 chapters in Ecclesiastes—I’m only a third of the way through. Perhaps there is hope for humanity yet in Solomon’s mind. I’m guessing there is. 🙂

As always, comments are welcome! 🙂

Ecclesiastes and The Weight of Glory

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This week, I finally read C. S. Lewis’ The Weight of Glory. It’s a rather short piece. I read it it one sitting, and I think he originally gave it as an address of some sort. In it, Lewis defines the “glory” that we have in store for us as Christians and speaks about how we should (or, often as not, shouldn’t live) in light of that revelation.

As I was reading it, I was reminded of Ecclesiastes (not that a lot of things don’t remind me of Ecclesiastes!) because Lewis talks about things like duty, accolade, promises, and the “inconsolable secret” of humankind—”We should hardly dare,” he writes, “to ask that any notice be taken of ourselves. But we pine. The sense that in this universe we are treated as strangers, the longing to be acknowledged, to meet with some response, to bridge some chasm that yawns between us and reality, is part of our inconsolable secret.”

Isn’t that similar to what Solomon is lamenting? Solomon laments that “all is vanity” not just to lament, but because he is unsatisfied with his immediate earthly surroundings. Lewis argues that that sense—the idea that we are all strangers in strange lands—is one that is inherent in our thinking.

What also struck me as interesting (and this quote is rather long), but Lewis also mentions how nonbelievers often urge Christians to throw away this notion:

“Finally,” writes Lewis, “lest your longing for the transtemporal should awake and spoil the whole affair, they use any rhetoric that comes to hand to keep out of your mind the recollection that even if all the happiness they promised would come to man on earth, yet still each generation would lose it by death, including the last generation of all, and the whole story would be nothing, not even a story, for ever and ever. Hence all the nonsense that Mr. Shaw puts into the final speech of Lilith, and Bergson’s remark that the élan vital is capable of surmounting all obstacles, perhaps even death—as if we could believe that any social or biological development on this planet will delay the senility of the sun or reverse the second law of thermodynamics.”

Emphasis mine. And, wow, that sounds a lot like Solomon, especially the parts about losing what we have gained to the next generation and so on and so forth. And just as Lewis speaks of natural laws as ensuring mediocrity for us, so Solomon does as well when he laments that everything runs in circles, nothing is new, and all that has been will be.

C. S. Lewis concludes that we carry with us the weight of a kind of glory we do not often enough imagine: “To please God. . .to be a real ingredient in the divine happiness. . .to be loved by God, not merely pitied, but delighted in as an artist delights in his work or a father in a son—it seems impossible, a weight or burden of glory which our thoughts can hardly sustain. But so it is.”

Ecclesiastes 3
A Time for Everything

Chapter 3 begins with the famous list about how there is a time set aside in the human existence to do everything and experience everything under the sun. If I’m looking at this from Solomon’s perspective of “vanity,” what can I find that is “vain” in this list?

First of all, I notice that Solomon couples “good” things with “bad.” For instance, birth and death (v.2), weeping and laughing (v.3), love and hate (v.8). This seems to imply that for every “good” thing we experience, we also experience a “bad” thing of the same gravity.

That seems pretty vain. If I am taking the least optimistic perspective possible, I would argue that the “good” things do nothing if they are going to be intrinsically coupled with the “bad.” And yet there is no denying that this list encapsulates the human experience. Solomon is not exaggerating. Good things happen. Bad things happen. By this logic, it really is vain to live at all on earth. And if there is no hope for satisfaction here, where might we find it? And, here, I feel as though we may obviously look to a life after death, to “glory”—as Lewis would say—and know of our hope. But Solomon does not explicitly mention this yearning nor this guarantee.

Some might argue that there is no hope for satisfaction, that heaven (and hell) does not exist and that we are blindly putting our trust in something that we have no way of knowing is true. Lewis makes an interesting argument for the existence of a “hope”:

“A man’s physical hunger does not prove that man will get any bread; he may die of starvation on a raft in the Atlantic. But surely a man’s hunger does prove that he comes of a race which repairs its body by eating and inhabits a world where eatable substances exist. In the same way, though I do not believe (I wish I did) that my desire for Paradise proves I that I shall enjoy it, I think it a pretty good indication that such a thing exists and that some men will.”

The God-Given Task

Verse 9 begins with a question: “What gain has the worker from his toil?” And later in verses 12–13 Solomon concludes: “I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live; also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil—this is God’s gift to man.” The one thing that Solomon finds consistently good in Ecclesiastes is the satisfaction that humans gain from their work. He’s already decided that the material gain from the work itself is worthless (and plainly being lazy is worthless). If by nothing other than the process of elimination, he decides that it is the satisfaction from the work that is worthwhile.

The verses that I have left out (10–11) have always been some of my favorite, although I must admit that I feel I have never quite fullly understood them (and certainly am not claiming to now). Solomon writes: “I have seen the business that God has given to the children of man to be busy with. He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also he has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end.”

They seem like they’re kind of thrown in there. I can kind of understand verse 10: God made humans with a natural inclination to be productive, to want to use their talents and gifts. But then about making things beautiful in their time, about eternity in man’s heart, about a mystery that we suspect might exist but cannot fathom—these are quite poetic, and they touch my heart in a way that I can’t explain. They make me remember both the smallness of my own self and the enormity of purpose that God has imbued creation with.

While reading The Weight of Glory, I was reminded of Ecclesiastes when Lewis started speaking about beauty. He describes it as being part of the “inconsolable secret,” the sense of “unbelonging,” that I mentioned earlier.

Lewis writes: “I am trying to rip open the inconsolable secret in each one of you—the secret which hurts so much that you take your revenge on it by calling it names like Nostalgia and Romanticism and Adolescence; the secret also which pierces with such sweetness that when, in very intimate conversation, the mention of it becomes imminent, we grow awkward and affect to laugh at ourselves; the secret we cannot hide and cannot tell, though we desire to do both. We cannot tell it because it is a desire for something that has never actually appeared in our experience. We cannot hide it because our experience is constantly suggesting it, and we betray ourselves like lovers at the mention of a name. Our commonest expedient is to call it beauty and behave as if that had settled the matter.”

He goes on to describe the things that we find beautiful as being mere reflectors of God. Just like the moon reflects the sun, so creation reflects the glory of God. But even if we rise with great effort to the moon in search of the light which shines so warmly upon us in the day, we will find nothing upon the moon but a dusty and barren wasteland, devoid of the light that it at first seemed to have. We have been looking in the wrong places. Such is our experience with loving the beautiful things of this world in an effort to satisfy our souls with something other than God.

On the subject of mysteries, verses 14 and 15 contain another one for me. Solomon has already talked about the work of humans being transient. In these verses, he talks about the work of God lasting forever. He also seems to speculate that this is why history seems to repeat itself and why the earth seems to move in cycles of happening—because everything that happens has a common denominator: God. It only makes senses that every act and event would ring with the presence of the Immortal. I am not sure, however, what Solomon means in the second part of verse 15 when he writes: “That which already has been; that which is to be, already has been; and God seeks what has been driven away.”

From Dust to Dust

Here again, Solomon laments that in place of a “good” there is and “evil.” And having seen that we can do nothing about the vainness of this, he seems to make a number of statements that release the responsibility of changing what is unfair to God. He begins both verse 17 and verse 18 with “I said in my heart.” Both sentences seem to contain important insights into Solomon’s thinking. In verse 17, Solomon concludes that it is God who will make right every wrong, again because “there is a time for every matter and for every work.”

Here, I realize, that before I was looking at the list of “times” as though they were describing the human experience. Then, Solomon spoke about the common denominator of God in all things. It only make sense here to conclude that if God is present in everything, he is present in every “time” that there could possibly be, in every good and every bad. In fact, Solomon seems to be implying here that “times” are not arbitrary; instead, they are designated by God, and he makes his own intervention into the affairs of man.

In verse 18, Solomon concludes that God is testing us with travesty. What for? Apparently “that they may see that they themselves are but beasts.” This seems contradictory to most Biblical accounts in which humans are compared to animals. Most of the time, we seem humanity as being set above the rest of creation. Here, Solomon makes humans into beasts. Why?

Solomon answers my question for me in verses 19–21: “For what happens to the children of man and what happens to the beasts is the same; as one dies, so dies the other. They all have the same breath, and man has no advantage over the beasts, for all is vanity. Who knows whether the spirit of man goes upward and the spirit of the beast goes down into the earth?”

Solomon compares the experiences of both humans and animals. A lot of the same things happen to both of them. So, he asks, and this seems to be his most pressing question: Does the same thing happen to both when they die? Again, taking the most pessimistic perspective possible, I have no other choice but to expect the worst. Solomon concludes that this means that we must enjoy ourselves by working while we are alive. Because if we have no hope for anything after death, then I guess we better make the most of life now.

This, of course, is puzzling to me. I’m not sure where Solomon is going with this. He seems rather hesitant to mention any kind of “afterlife” yet seems quite concerned with the idea and the gravity of God’s presence in all things. Again, I am reminded of how Lewis talks about the nature of humans, and I would like to conclude with this:

“You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts civilisations—these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit—immortal horrors or everlasting splendors. This does not mean that we are to be perpetually solemn.”

I don’t often think about the inherent immortality in every human. Lewis is right: The thought might be overwhelming at times. But if we are to live in light of God, we must also live in light of the Gospel and what has been offered to humankind.

The Vanity of Frappuccinos

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This week was “frappuccino happy hour” at Starbucks, which means from 3:00 PM to 5:00 PM, all frappuccinos are half off. I know the jokes about how “white girls” are ridiculously excited by frappuccinos in general, and I have to admit that I felt a flutter of excitement myself when I realized that I’d only have to pay TWO dollars instead of four. So I went and got my java chip frappuccino.

But when I was drinking it, I felt kind of guilty.

It was a familiar guilt. When I was younger (read: fifteen/sixteen), I used to buy coffee only sparingly, preferring to instead save my money. And, to be honest, I felt bad spending on myself when I knew there were people in need.

Somewhere along the way, I lost some of that, and I think that I was reminded of it during “frappuccino happy hour.” 


The more I reflected on it, the more I realized how often I’d been wasting my money on such frivolous things and how self-indulgent I’d been. And I think reading Ecclesiastes 2 really substantiated the idea in my mind: How vain it is to spend our days buying things for ourselves and taking pleasure in things that, after all, are only temporary.

Ecclesiastes 2: The Vanity of Self-Indulgence

The chapter begins with Solomon’s description of all the things that he “indulged in.” What was he searching for? According to verse 3: I searched with my heart how to cheer my body with wine—my heart still guiding me with wisdom—and how to lay hold on folly, till I might see what was good for the children of man to do under heaven during the few days of their life.

I think it’s strange how first Solomon mentions that his heart was guided by wisdom—but then he admits to purposefully laying “hold on folly.” This kind of seems like a contradiction. How can one use wisdom to seek folly? It seems like any pursuit of folly would be folly in and of itself, but perhaps the wisdom comes in because the foolish often don’t realize their own folly. It takes at least a bit of wisdom to recognize what folly is. Whereas fools pursue folly without realizing it, perhaps it takes wisdom to consciously pursue folly.

Regardless, in all of this, Solomon is searching for what is good for the children of man to do under heaven during the few days of their life. After all, we’re here for only a fleeting moment, when you think about it. How should we spend that moment?

What comes next is a long, long list of all the things Solomon accomplished and all the things he “indulged” in. After doing all of this, I wonder how old Solomon was. It would seem that this might be a book written by a person looking back at his or her life and evaluating it. Solomon seems to make a conclusion about his own in verses 10–11: And whatever my eyes desired I did not keep from them. I kept my heart from no pleasure, for my heart found pleasure in all my toil, and this was my reward for all my toil. Then I considered all that my hands had done and the toil I had expended in doing it, and behold, all was vanity and a striving after wind, and there was nothing to be gained under the sun.

Again, there seems to be a contraction here. This book is really full of them. First, Solomon concludes that his “heart found pleasure” in all his toil and that it was his “reward”—not the deeds he had done, but the pleasure that he had taken in working to accomplish them. But then, Solomon says that he “considered” (ESV) or “looked” (KJV) on everything that he had done. The connotation of the Greek for the word seems to be along the lines of a turning back and looking. So, almost like Solomon’s first conclusion about what he had done was wrong, and when he looked again, he found fault with it. Because, this time, Solomon concludes that all of it was vain, that there was nothing worthwhile that he had done.

I feel like I can understand this a bit. There have been many, many things that I’ve done, projects I’ve completed, papers I’ve written, etc. At first, it feels like I’ve done good. Like I can kind of pat myself on the back and take pride in the deed. But, after a while, after I really look at what I’ve accomplished, that pride begins to fade. I feel, at least in some way, that it was all in vain. Perhaps that’s what Solomon is talking about.

The Vanity of Living Wisely

Verses 12–17 have Solomon considering “wisdom and madness and folly” (v.12). He observes that being wise is better than being foolish in that being wise is like walking in light, while being foolish is like walking in darkness. The problem with both, he continues, is that they’re only good while you’re walking. Solomon concludes that “the same event happens to all of them” (v.14) and proceeds to regret having lived wisely if he’s going to die just as the fool is.

I’m curious as to why this would make Solomon regret wisdom. If death truly is the end, I would regret it, too, probably. There is no mention of any kind of “afterlife” in 12–17. I wonder if this is Solomon speculating at the futility of life under that assumption. His reasoning strikes me as the reasoning of an atheist or agnostic. That doesn’t really make much sense, though, coming from Solomon.

The Vanity of Toil

Verses 18–19 read: I hated all my toil in which I toil under the sun, seeing that I must leave it to the man who will come after me, and who knows whether he will be wise or a fool? Yet he will be master of all for which I toiled and used my wisdom under the sun. This also is vanity.

Hmm… It seems here that the two previously stated contradictions are drawing closer. Even earlier, Solomon already addressed the vanity of his toil, thinking at first that he was satisfied with it, but on second glance seeing it as vain. Then there were Solomon’s thoughts about the vanity of living wisely because both the wise and foolish die the same death.

Here we have them combined: Solomon is looking to the future and imagining that all he has toiled for will fall into the hands of a fool.

I ask myself here: Why does that matter if he thinks it’s the same to be a fool or to be wise? The obvious answer is that he does really think it’s better to be wise after all—but why? Why all the contradictions?

Perhaps the answer lies in verses 24–26: There is nothing better for a person than that he should eat and drink and find enjoyment in his toil. This also, I saw, is from the hand of God, for apart from him who can eat or who can have enjoyment? For to the one who pleases him God has given wisdom and knowledge and joy, but to the sinner he has given the business of gathering and collecting, only to give to one who pleases God. This also is vanity and a striving after wind.

There is nothing better because if a person works for him or herself, everything that they worked for will be given to someone who will do evil or folly with it. But if someone works for God, his or her works have more permanent rewards: “wisdom and knowledge and joy” (v.26). Here there is also an interesting reversal: While before Solomon had imagined himself working and working only to eventually “give” all his hard work over to a fool, he claims here that God directs the sinner to gather and collect “only to give to one who pleases God” (v.26).

At this point, I’m a bit confused about what Solomon really thinks, because at the end of the chapter, he again concludes: This also is vanity and a striving after the wind.

What does he mean by “this”? Everything? When you’re learning to write, you’re often told that you never just use “this” as a subject all on its own. Why? But it’s ambiguous. “This” what!? This everything? At this point, it feels like Solomon is still unsatisfied with his conclusion. He still think it (meaning life?) is not worth it.

I would like to think that the “big” things in my life aren’t so vain—like the work that I do. And work is such a strange thing to refer to as vain, anyway. Normally, it’s the opposite: laziness is vain. At least for me, I feel like frappuccinos aren’t worth it. They are kind of vain, after all, aren’t they?